Dear Secrets,

      Can someone please tell me why it is so easy for me to be open and honest with people, but no one can return the favor to me? Can someone please tell me why secrets are so important to people? I am realizing that I am having a really horrible night. I just hate it. I just want it to be over. I want to go to bed and forget people. I don't have really bad trust issues. However, one of my biggest fears is being lied to. I hate  being lied to more then anything in the world. It is seriously the worst thing ever. And by being lied to, I count "conveniently" forgetting to offer information.
     I am used to being in the know, so when I'm not, I get grouchy. It is just habit. I just really want to be with someone who respects honesty as much as I do. I am also not an insecure person, but I take what people say to heart, well at least when it is people I care about. I do. I am a girl, what do you expect? We take stuff to heart. Emotion is chemically linked to estrogen, which just loves women. A couple days ago, I was told that another girl thought that my boyfriend could do better than me. Everyone is entitled to their opinions, but I am also entitled to being hurt that I was told this. I mean... I know this isn't true, but it is almost as though he loves to keep my self esteem just a notch under confident. I mean, I will have a day where I look sexy as hell, and those are the days that instead of telling me I look good, he will tell me about some other girl that looks good or in this case that some girl thought I wasn't good enough for him. That bothers me. I shouldn't have to be knocked down a notch on my self-esteem because he chooses when to say the absolute wrong thing.
     Today is a really bad day for my self-esteem. I am not exactly sure why but I just want to feel pretty. I just want to be reminded every now and then. I'm tired of feeling inadequate. I used to think I was skinny... sheesh was I apparently wrong. I have never been more insecure about my weight... even when I weighed a lot more then I do. I mean... I weighed 160 at one point, which for my height is not exactly healthy and I realized I was bigger. I mean, I wore a size 13 jean... that isn't exactly ideal for someone who is roughly 5'3. Now I am down to 140 and a size 7... That is twenty pounds and 3 sizes... I should be proud of that right? Instead I am just thinking how can I drop twenty more, and two more sizes. How can I get more fit? How can I fit that in my schedule, and how can I convince this girl (who I have never met) that I deserve what I have?
   One day, I am going to be proud of myself, all I have to offer, and confident in who I am... but for tonight, I think I am going to just stare at those size 3 jeans I have in my closet, not eat, and go to sleep... Sorry I am so depressing tonight...
          -xoxo, Jessi