Dear Wishful Thinking,

   You know when you really want something to work out? That is where I am at. I want this more then anything. However, being the lovely Capricorn female that I am, I am a walking contradiction. I care, but I don't want to get hurt. I want to be independent but I don't want to be alone. I want to be strong but you make me weak. I want to be open and I want to fall. I just don't want to hit the ground. I want to believe everything he tells me, I don't want to be naive.
   I am going to stay positive, because that is all I've got. I am going to fight for this but I hope I'm not fighting for something that won't happen. I am going to use you, wishful thinking. I am going to make this work. I want him to be there. I want to see where this goes. I want this. I just don't know if he wants the same things I do. I worry he doesn't care about the future. I'm a planner. Big time. What I do now will affect everything else. He doesn't think that. He says he doesn't give a f*ck. The saddest thing I think, is I believe him sometimes. Our plans, or my plan and his lack-thereof don't match. My main, main goal in my life is stability. I don't want a million dollars or a mansion. I want to be stable. Emotionally, physically, financially stable.  If I get that, and he is a part of it, I'd never ask for anything else. Well, except for a white picket fence and a couple kids.
                     -xoxo, Jessi