Dear Sex,

    Why do you have to complicate everything? Last time I checked, in the history of the world, jealousy didn't exist unless you have had sex with someone. This is stupid. I know I shouldn't be so insecure about it but I am. I will get over it. I am just pissed off, and need to vent, and I guess this is the place I do that best. 

   Sex, you have legitimately made my life a pain in the ass. I mean, don't get me wrong, I love you, but I hate you. I am beginning to think that is what I am valued for. No, not what I am valued for, but if I didn't participate in sex, I don't think he would still be with me.. that sucks. I mean, not that I would ever just hold out but Jesus  It is all he wants to fucking talk about. That or fucking cuddling, I am so gosh darn sick of those two damn subjects. Oh wait, we will also talk about anything he is passionate about for hours on end. But if I want to try to share something I am passionate about with him, out goes the attention span until he gets the pleasure of hearing his own voice again. 

   He does treat me well, I just wish it didn't feel like he was treating me that well just to screw me, you know? Isn't it possible to treat someone good, just to treat them good? I don't know. I am just so irritated with it all. Maybe I am being over-dramatic  but, I don't care. I just... I just want to watch a stupid rom com where the guy falls in love with the dying girl that can't have sex and doesn't make her feel guilty about it or seek it from other people. Maybe that doesn't exist in real life, but I am going to act like it does and watch it on a movie and go to sleep feeling disgusting. I bid you goodnight. Maybe a more positive message to come later, but right now I am a grump, and this is what I get to vent to. 

   -xoxo, Jessi

Dear Pressure,

    It seems like I am getting you from every angle. It really isn't fair. I just quit a job, which sucks but at the same time, I still have a job. So I didn't do anything too irrational. Then there is the school thing. A bunch of pressure there. I am trying so hard to get a scholarship to a better university but it is just difficult because I can't just focus on school. I also have to worry about the two jobs I usually have at once. Two jobs and school is a pain in the butt. I just have to do it though. I have to do it. I just have to.
   I just wish people would catch my motivation like I do. I mean. It isn't hard to hold down a job. Not at all. I mean, if you aren't going to school, and you aren't going to take the education route, find a labor job. Find something that kicks your butt. Makes you sweat. If you are going to take the education route, do it. And put everything you got into it. I am just so sick of people settling for mediocre. I don't care what you are doing or are going to do as long as you push yourself with everything to be the best at it. That's all I care about.
   One more pet peeve before I leave you for the evening. I hate when people complain about a situation and don't do something to fix it. If you are going to bitch about it, do something about it. DO something. Talking never got anything done. I promise. If you are going to talk about doing something, use that for forward progress. Okay that's all I have to bitch about for tonight.. Goodnight...
               -xoxo, Jessi.