Dear Personality Flaws,

   Alright, alright. I will admit it. I'm not perfect. (please hold your gasps). It was recently brought to my attention that I have some... flaws. That is fine. I knew it before. I just didn't really want to face it. I never lived in this fairy tale land where I was some perfect princess. I have realized that I am a control freak. But not in the sense that many people would think. I just... If we have plans, stick to the plan. It isn't a hard concept to grasp. If you do not think you can commit to such plans, do not make them. I am okay with playing things by ear but tell me that is what we are doing. Nothing bothers me more than last minute changes to a flawless plan. If you are going to be late, that is fine. If something isn't going to work out because of an emergency or something came up, that is also fine. If you are changing the plan just because you decided a new plan was more convenient, that is not okay. (Controlling, I know). I just... 

   When I was younger, my parents noticed how upset I would get over small things. They naturally made me get an evaluation. During said evaluation, I was told that I had Obsessive Compulsive Tendencies that they believed I would grow out of. Newsflash... Twenty years old... Still obsessive compulsive at times. I have grown out of a lot. For example I can fight the urge to straighten pictures, or tuck in people's shirt tags even if I don't know them. I still however, have to brush my teeth a certain number of times on each side, and I absolutely can't stand scribbles on a piece of paper... DO NOT DOODLE PEOPLE. Use a separate piece of paper to doodle. Don't do it on notes, or papers that you will need. (Once again, controlling). I also have the obsessive urge to clean when I am stressed... Couldn't tell you why. 

   I was talking to my mom the other day about someone changing plans on me... I was in a full on panic.. Plus I meet a lot of my panic attacks with anger which isn't a good combination. But I digress. Anyway, I was very frustrated by this change, and my mom brought it quickly to my attention that I have always sucked at change. I don't like it. I tried to think of why this idea of change just irritated me to the core, and the only thing I can remember that may have set it off was the changes I went through when I was younger. I went to six different elementary schools... For those who do not know, that is a new school almost every year. When I was in seventh grade, I was homeless. My family and I didn't have a home. It was awful. I couch surfed a lot... seventh grade sucks for any girl as it is... showering at a rec center before school, does not help. I guess it kind of just made me crave stability. At least that's my psychoanalysis of it... It is also everything to do with me being obsessive. "Normal" people don't freak out about the things I do. For example, I hate when people smack their tongue when they pause while talking... I will walk away... it stresses me out. Now I know the reaction most people have to my... uh... tendencies. "Just roll with the punches, Calm down...etc." Let me explain something... I can't control it. My heart races, my palms sweat and my eyes burn like they want to betray me with their salty emotions. I cover it up pretty well most of the time but I have moments, usually when my life is disarray that I FREAK OUT. That's my biggest flaw... Anyway, I should probably go to bed. If anyone has the answers to why I am a mess, please feel free to give me advice! 

Goodnight everyone, and best wishes.

-xoxo, Jessi