Dear Alcohol,

    I used to say that I hated when people used you as a crutch. I hated that. When people couldn't suck it up and just face life. I hated people like that. I hated you. Yet, it is noon, and I'm three drinks in. Have to get a ride to work because I don't want to drink and drive. If they realize I'm tipsy I will probably lose my job. I wish I could get hammered. I mean a new brand of drunk. Black out and puke. Maybe I would feel better. The worst thing I think is that it isn't just one thing. It is several. I am about three grand in debt, My parents and I do not get along anymore... Guess that is probably because I have turned into a debbie downer. I miss my ex boyfriend, I am seeing someone who is possibly an alcoholic, and has thrown the bible at me, even though I am not all that religious. I just want to disappear for a while. So if any of my readers here think that they could just take me away, and get me away from my ex, the guy I'm seeing, and my parents... Let me know. 

    I am strong. I know I am, but I don't really feel strong right now. I feel disgusting, I feel fat and unattractive. EXTREMELY unattractive. Weight has always been an issue and Jesus, it seems like everyone is getting on my case about it. I was actually told that I wasn't "the prettiest girl but I make up for it with personality". Now I am not a shallow girl at all, but I also don't want to be the fat girl who makes up for it with her stellar personality. I know I am the only one that can change it. So, that is what I am going to do. I'm not gonna stop until I hit my goal. I will not be this heavy. So readers, I will keep you posted. Today is 7/16/12 and I weigh, 144 pounds. I will keep you updated on the progress, but by this time next month, I will weigh 115-120. Here is to fixing what I hate about myself. 

      -xoxo, Jessi.